


The Falling of Righteous Men

by justsimplymeagain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alastair revival, Betrayal, M/M, Purgatory, Season 7 Different Ending, Shared body temporarily, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-02
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-10 04:29:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/781793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justsimplymeagain/pseuds/justsimplymeagain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter what Dean does it seems like he can't escape Him and he can't get away from cutting betrayals that seem to want to drag him down. Sam. Cas. His Dad... And now, now he falls and he doesn't know to what fate.</p><p>A/N: Currently discontinued due to my computer having to be reformated and all the notes and what I had done on this story being lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Different Ending

Dick Roman knew they were coming, so it was Dean's suggestion that the announce themselves big. Sacrificed the Impala to do that and worse allowed Meg to drive it. She was outside and gave the rest of them a chance to get in and take care of the current threat topside. Leviathans. 

Castiel was still crazy, but manageable and Sam was in charge of going after Kevin and saving the kid. Castiel and himself went after Dick and Dean swore that before the day is done the monster was going to die for everything he has done. They had to get ride of Bobby. Bobby died because of the Leviathans! 

That was unforgivable! 

Bobby was like a Father to him, even more of one then his Dad. And that was saying a lot when it comes to Dean because of how high Dean holds his family. 

Getting in was easier then it should have been, but it helps that they hacked the security surveillance thanks to Charlie. She was pretty awesome and Dean can honestly say that he hopes the best for her. She deserves a good life, one that isn't held down by everything Dean knows is out there. He hopes she could find herself a good woman that makes her happy. 

Castiel figured out which Dick Roman was real and which ones are fake. Dean switched the fake with the real with Castiel and they agreed to do things this way, Dean put it as his responsibility and that this was for Bobby. Castiel told him that he shouldn't kill for revenge which prompted an instant response from Dean. 

“It wasn't the first time.” 

And that was the truth. First person he killed in revenge for the death of his mother and then the death of his Dad was Azazel. Dean remembers that day clearly and he will never forget that. His Dad disappeared in white. And from what he remembers in dealing with ghosts that willingly pass over, they tend to disappear with fancy white flashes. 

So his Dad has passed on. Safe. Not in Hell anymore. Dean knows that it would have or should have looked differently then what it did when his Dad passed on if he went back to Hell. 

Dean looked up and watched as Castiel stabbed the real one and was knocked back so he landed just outside of the room. Leviathans were pretty strong that way. Good thing Dean knows how to sneak up on someone. And he does. 

Castiel was just getting back to his feet with a look of shock and irritation on his face. Old Cas was creeping back in through the broken cracks of always happy and playful broken Castiel. Dick Roman didn't see it coming as Dean plunged the right bone into his throat and with a savage twist he made sure the thing felt it. 

Laughter wasn't what he expected though. Dean frowned faintly in confusion. Why was it laughing? What was so funny? It was about to die? 

Dean looked towards another entrance as Sam and Kevin entered, he was glad to see the two of them safe. 

However, his victory and satisfaction couldn't and wouldn't last. 

Dick Roman exploded knocking Dean unconscious. He could hear Cas and Sam yelling his name and it echoed in his mind as everything went dark. 

~ Cas, Sam and Kevin ~

Castiel staggered into the room, ignoring the black goo covering everything. He told Dean that he would screw up if he went with them. But Dean insisted telling him that he would rather have Castiel with him bad luck or not. Castiel felt a sob choke him but he did not let it out, he couldn't. 

Closing his eyes he could hear the confusion of angels wanting nothing more then to someone to rise up and lead them. Someone to help. Castiel didn't know if he could be that person, he already made so many horrible mistakes. It was because of him that some if not most of the angels who died. It was because of him that his oldest friend was killed. Castiel stabbed him in the back like a coward. Rachel too, she was just trying to do what is right even if that meant standing up to him. She died for her bravery and righteousness. 

“Cas, where's Dean...” Sam asked, devastation heard in his voice. 

Looking at Sam was hard, all Castiel could do was see everything he has done. Sam broke down because Castiel took that wall away from him in a cowardly manner to distract Dean. He has betrayed the Winchester's, he tried to make things better this way. But even that failed. 

“Cas!” Sam demanded loudly, Castiel winced slightly. Opening his mouth before closing it for a moment. How can he answer? 

How should he answer? 

That was easy though, the truth. He will answer with the truth, Castiel was through with the lies and will not lie again if he had the choice. 

“Purgatory.” Castiel answered, he tried to think up ways to get there but few ways entered his mind. If it opened again who's to say that the Leviathans or something else might get out? Purgatory was a prison where anything that wasn't human anymore go. Vampires, werewolves. You name it, it's there. All of Eve's children are there. The massive slaughter of them caught her attention, that was what drew her to come up and out of Purgatory. She was the reason that the final key fell into place to open Purgatory. 

And open the final failure that should damn Castiel for all of eternity. He was worse then Michael because Michael didn't do it for power. He did it to end everything, to follow ancient orders that were covered with dust of broken times. Castiel had good intentions and he paved a way to his own damnation using them. 

But he cannot let himself fall just yet. He had to redeem himself. He had to clean his mess like Dean told him to. 

“Is there anyway to get him out?” Sam whispered as he approached Castiel while Kevin looked uneasy at everything and stayed in a clear spot so he didn't have to step on the black goo. Castiel noted that for a moment before regarding Sam with difficulty. 

“I don't know. Every time a portal has opened, things come out. Eve. The Leviathans... I don't know how to get one soul out of that cursed place... I don't know.” Castiel responded and frowned, he felt like a failure. He has failed so badly, Father help him. If it was possible, Sam looked even more broken up then before. Almost like any hope he had to his brother being saved was just dashed. Castiel felt his wings spread. 

Sorrow voices sang sorrowful tunes in his mind. 

Heaven was weeping. 

Home was weeping. 

Perhaps somewhere up there is where he can find his answers, perhaps there is a way to find a way to save Dean up there? Maybe? He didn't know. He just didn't know. He didn't even know if he had the strength to try. 

Without thinking he forgot to tell Sam that he was going to search before he stretched his wings out and took off. Leaving Sam alone. Leaving Kevin alone. Leaving Earth. 

~ Sam, Cas and Kevin ~

Sam felt the wind be knocked out of him. Castiel has just left, told him that there was no hope to get Dean out without risking something else to get out. If Dean was even alive, he forgot to ask Castiel if Dean was even alive. He was right next to Dick when the Leviathan exploded. 

It wasn't fair! 

“Sam!” Kevin's voice cut through his swirling thoughts and drew his attention near the boy to see that two obvious demons holding onto him. Crowley himself stood there. 

Sam couldn't get an answer out of Castiel, or at least a straight one. So he demands information on what happened to Dean aside from him being stuck in Purgatory. Was it even a place where you could be alive? As far as he knows at this point that if it was anything like Heaven or Hell, you'd have to be dead. And that was a thought that nearly crushed Sam on the spot where he stood. 

"You got what you wanted – Dick's dead, saved the world. So I want one little prophet. Sorry, moose. Wish I could help. You certainly got a lot on your plate right now. It looks like you are well and truly... on your own." 

That was the only response he got before he was truly left alone. No one else was in the building and Sam collapsed screaming Dean's name with everything he had. It would be thirty minutes before he finds himself up and in the drivers seat of the Impala. Alone. No one in the driver seat with him. No one in the back seat. 

He was... 

He was... 

Alone... Again.


	2. Purgatory

Purgatory

Dean woke up on the cold ground. Dean was disoriented and he didn't know what to do. Where was he! He didn't recognize the place and the last place he remembered being was in the laboratory killing Dick Roman. Did that mean? Could that mean? 

“Shit...” Dean cursed, how was that possible! Checking his pulse, in Hell he didn't have one even though his blood seemed to pump and run when he was cut into. Here he had a pulse, he was alive. At least that was one point for him. The sound of snarling and hissing came from behind him. His blood ran cold. 

Turning around he was glad to see that it wasn't Hellhounds or anything like that. Instead it was as far as Dean could see, werewolves. 

“Shit!” Dean cursed before taking off running. The monsters behind him chasing with the natural determination of starving predators. Dean can understand that because let's face it they probably haven't eaten human in a long time. 

Running right then left, straight then left again. He stumbled over a log and forced himself back to his feet. Running as fast as he can. 

It wasn't until he ran into someone or something else knocking them down and forced them to lose the makeshift weapon they had. Dean grasped for it as he got off the thing trying to put space between himself and everything else. Panic was now choking him and forcing him into a corner. He had to survive this! 

He had to get back to his brother! 

“Fuck.” Dean spat as he finally made it to his feet. The person, the thing he ran into bared it's fangs. Vampire. Was every kind of monster he fought here?! One of the werewolves attacked the vampire instantly. The other two attacked Dean. He managed to put distance between them before tightening the grip on the weapon he held. 

A hard hit to his shoulder knocked him sideways and down. Pain forced his teeth to clench and his arm to be temporary useless. Forcing himself to put distance between them and himself he gripped the makeshift axe tightly as a heavy weight pounced onto him. Saliva dripped onto his throat as he used his injured arm to put space between his neck and a mouth full of teeth. Foolish move because his arm gave out as soon as too much pressure was put onto it. 

Thankfully one of the other monsters decided that the taste of human flesh was too good to pass up. Dragged the vampire now that he could see clearly enough, off of him. Dean rolled to his back instantly, baring the soft spots foolishly but with reason. Tempting the only other werewolf alive into lunging for him. 

With a hard swing he sunk the axe into it's head with a sickening thud. Blood splattered instantly covering Dean and the ground. Gasping he rolled away from the falling body of the werewolf. Yanking the weapon out of it's head he didn't give himself a chance to see who won. He took off running as fast as he can. 

Two hours later he collapsed from exhaustion and curled against a thick tree trunk trying to catch his breath. Taking off his jacket with a wince he checked to see if anything was broken. So far, so good. It seemed like when he was knocked to the ground the hit was hard enough to badly bruise his shoulder. He had to remember he wasn't dealing with humans here, their strength is going to be greater then his own. 

Resting his back against it he listened carefully for any sound that might mean an unfriendly was near. Pulling his jacket back up he winced at the cold. The axe he stole had a crack in the handle. He would have to figure out a way to fix that. But with what? Running his finger against the twine that was used he figured leather. How does he make leather though? Touching the axe edge ignoring the blood on it he noted that it was still sharp. 

Feeling himself up and down for weapons he was shocked when he didn't find any. 

How was that possible! 

No gun. No knives. He would have to improvise with everything here. And what should he eat? Why didn't he feel thirsty yet? Shit... Was the only thing he could think at the moment. 

It didn't take a genius to figure out at this point that he was in the afterlife where monsters go. This was the place Dean sends them when he kills them on Earth. This was where everything that isn't human goes. Then why was he here? He was still alive, still breathing just not thirsty. 

Was this, could this place really be Purgatory? 

He might have or probably was in fact dragged here when he killed Dick Roman. That meant Dick was here too, Dean frowned and wondered how long would it take for that thing to put a bounty on his head or something. Dean forced his way back to his feet, shaky from exhaustion he went in search for better shelter and searched for a moon that wasn't there. 

It wouldn't be until at least what Dean figures is a month later when he finds out more about his situation. 

He still wasn't thirsty. He wasn't hungry. His injuries weren't healing at all. Dean found that anything that he killed either came back quickly or slowly. If it came back quickly then Dean had another fight on his hand. If not then it would either fade away over time or become someones meal. Dean also has found that anything that had it's head cut off came back with a line on it's throat. They didn't heal fully either. 

Nothing ever really seemed to heal here and he has already seen some mutilated and insane monsters here. At times making it hard to figure out what they were in the first place making it more difficult in exploiting weaknesses. 

Dean often wondered how long until he becomes one of them? 

Any water he finds he uses to clean himself and his wounds careful not to agitate them or the bruises he collected. He had a few gash wounds that he tore thread off his underwear to stitch it up with thinned bone that he's been working on for the entire week. It hurt like Hell! But the wounds were closed and not bleeding anymore. Just not healing. Soon enough he's going to have to go commando in this place and eventually he's going to have to steal clothing from monsters here that had clothing. Some of them didn't. 

This place was completely savage. Uncivilized. Brutal. 

Dean hated that he was thriving. 

Dean sharpened his new weapon, better and sturdier then the axe he used when he got here. It looked like a makeshift machete and he had another that looked like a dagger. 

He prayed to Castiel and to Sam. He wondered if Castiel even heard him here. And he knows that Sam couldn't hear him but it was as close as he could get to his brother. At least Sam wasn't here, at least Sam wasn't stuck in this shit hole where all the creepy crawlies go when they die. 

Dean finds himself still smiling when he thinks about the past and his happy moments with Sam and at times with Castiel. Bobby was in there too. He held onto those memories with stubborn determination. It eased his burdens some to think that Sam is probably trying to get him out, like he did when Dean went to Hell. This time there won't be a demon, Sam knows better now. This time he hoped that Sam wouldn't try to sell his soul. It wasn't worth it. 

Sam was trying to get him out. 

Dean was sure of that! 

Howling echoed in the air and Dean stood up instantly, ready and willing to defend himself or run. Hellhounds! Not many but there was a few here. They were determined to get him sometimes. Other times they were content on hunting down the weak monsters and feasting on their flesh while trying to carve out nonexistent souls. Dean could see them here. They were as horrifying as he can remember. 

His mind was made up. 

He ran. 

There was some fights he knows he can't win. Not yet, but eventually he'll kill them too. 

“Hurry up Sam!” Dean hissed angrily as he lunged over a fallen log and kept going. Half way back to his hideaway he can tell the Hellhounds found something else to chew on because screams now echoed in the forest and Dean winced because he knows what it's like. It wasn't a good feeling to be torn open and apart by Hellhounds. He been there and done that. Never again. 

Dean knows that he couldn't stay at this makeshift hiding spot for long, he had to find a way out and back to Sam. But for the moment he used it to rest. He was only here for two days at the most. He barely sleeps and when he does it's either barricaded in a spot he picked or in a tree covered in branches or mud to cover his scent as best that he can. 

It was funny, he still got tired here. He may not be eating much if at all or drinking water but he still needed to sleep. He wouldn't drink the water anyway because it's not always moving and not always clean. Not worth the risk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Promise Alastair shows up soon... But seriously, let me know what you think lol. And you have a choice because I'm really and truly stuck between two decisions when it comes to Alastair. Do you want him to by chance share a body with Dean or get his old one back (played by Christopher Heyerdahl)? It's up to you.


	3. Happy Reunions?

Dean couldn't be sure how much time passed from then to now, what he did know however was that he was faster and better then he was when he first got here. And he was down right vicious. He fit right in. He didn't joke here, he couldn't. Who was there to talk to and it wasn't like he can strike up a conversation with a monster that was trying to eat him. They would make awful conversationalists anyway.

Well to be fair, there was a vampire he met and ran with for some time. Unfortunately the vampire named Benny got separated from him and neither ran into each other again. Dragons and Leviathan's that day. Two of the hardest things to kill here.

One thing was for sure, Dean didn't smile at his own memories now. Couldn't because he could barely tear his mind away from focusing on what's going on around him. It wasn't safe to daydream here. He did pray to Castiel and to Sam still. He stopped wondering about two months ago whether or not Castiel can hear him. Cas was a friend and if he was coming then Dean would have figured that out by now. Or at least he liked to think so.

Dean tried to avoid getting broken bones here, a few times he ended up getting a dislocated arm and had no choice but to deal with that on his own. It hurt as much as he could remember but he was getting better at snapping his arm back into place quickly. He had to be quick at everything here.

Nothing ever really changed here Dean found. Whether it was day or night, there was always clouds in what looked to be the sky and there was always fog lingering around him. The air was chilled as well, but that seemed to come more during the night when some of the nasty monster's came out. Dean sometimes found himself sleeping in a tree, not that it helped when the gorilla things were after him. They were a pain in the ass to get away from.

But Dean learnt how to deal with them just like he figured out how to hold his own here in Purgatory on his own with no one watching his back but himself. Just like some moments in his life when it was just himself and Sam was in collage and his Dad was just gone. Dean was better at it here though, it was more of a matter of survival then a way to cling to the only life he knew.

Here he breathed it more then ever before. He truly lived the life and in a sense was a warrior here. Had to be.

And for now, Dean was okay with that. He had to be.

Dean was pulled from his thoughts with the sound of branches snapping drew him to his feet and his hand gripping his makeshift machete tightly. No time to run. He had to fight. Only he didn't expect to see what he did when his possible enemy rounded a group of tree's. It shouldn't have been possible! Why would his Dad be here!

“D-Dad?” Dean said, his voice felt a bit raw because aside from the odd curse he didn't really speak much here. Not even to threaten the monsters biting at his heels. If looks were anything to go by, his Dad looked pretty shocked too. Didn't expect to see Dean here.

Eventually they crossed the distance between each other, made sure it was them. There was shapeshifters here after all. As soon as everything was said and done Dean found himself pulled into a tight unforgiving hug. One he returned happily, feeling relief for the first time since falling into this situation. Dean invited his Dad to the fire and they sat down talking.

It turned out that another demon who was after John Winchester paid a rogue soul to take hold of his Dad before he entered Heaven's gates and put him here with his enemies and everything every hunter alive hunted at one time or another. It wasn't fair and Dean was angered at that fact. If anything, he wanted to know what demon did this so he could hunt the thing down as soon as Dean gets out. Make it pay for trapping his Dad here!

And Dean could do it.

Dean filled his Dad in on what has been happening. He told him about the angel Castiel and how he was. His Dad told him he was proud that Dean had a friend, that he deserved a friend. Dean felt incredibly happy for that. He promised that he looked after Sammy as good as he could. Unfortunately he did admit that he failed for a year. He didn't save Sam when he should have. Dean should have found a way to get his brother out of the cage.

His Dad was disappointed, Dean could tell. But Dean made sure that he knew that Sam was okay now. That Dean managed to fix that with Sam as best that Dean could. At least his Dad seemed to be accepting of that, told Dean that he was happy because of it. That Dean did good.

Then came the news that they were destined to be used as vessels. Dean explained that this was where the demon blood came into play in regarding Sam.

“So Sam was... was supposed to house Lucifer. The big daddy of all demon?” John said, news no doubt sinking into him in all the wrong ways. Dean can understand and sympathize because he was there and felt the weight of it as everything went down. Everything turned out okay though. Or at least he liked and hoped that it did.

“More like fallen angel throwing a tantrum. But ya, and I was supposed to be Michael's vessel. The so called good son to an absent father. See the similarities Dad. But whatever. Gabriel even told us that one brother was destined to kill the other. Bullshit because we did the opposite. You would have been proud of Sammy, he took control back from Lucifer himself and saved the whole damn world in the process.” Dean explained as he sharpened his blade for the second time that day, or what passed for day here in Purgatory. From the expression on his Dad's face, he was proud. So was Dean so they agreed in that regard.

“So what does that make you in all this?” John asked and from what Dean could hear something akin to trepidation entered his Dad's voice that made Dean's alarm bells go off in his mind. What was his Dad so worried about hearing? Dean knew he probably shouldn't trust his old man, but how can he not. He was raised, trained and taught to trust John Winchester. Say yes sir without hesitation.

He may have gotten out of his Dad's shadow while out of his presence. In it however, Dean found himself obeying without thinking. A dangerous thing here in Purgatory. Or it could end up saving him.

Dean told him.

Dean was considered to be the Righteous man. Dean was the one who broke the seal in the first place and the scolding and mournful look he got from his Dad made Dean want to recoil. There was accusation and questioning there. He didn't like the sight of it. Not one bit.

“So you're the righteous man?” John asked, his voice going from happy to calculating and Dean worked his way to his feet again. Putting distance between himself and his Dad. This time demanding what was wrong, what was going on. What are you up to. None of the questions were answered and instead Dean felt a hard hit to the back of his neck that knocked him to the ground with an unforgiving thud.

Rolling to his side to regard who hit him he was shocked at the site of the demon, obvious by it's misshapen look. Solid mixed with smoke. But what was most striking on this demon was the yellow eyes. That was the only thing that made the demon even faintly recognizable. Those eyes and that smile. He hated both.

The demon was none other then Azazel!

With an angry sound Dean forced himself back to the mindset he needed to defend himself as he went for his weapon only to find it being picked up by his Dad. Instantly whatever progress he made in life and here slipped away from him, something he knows he will be ashamed of for many years to come if he survives. Dean pleaded with his Dad to help him, to get the demon away from him so he could get up and fight back. Dean went silent as soon as he heard his Dad say something softly.

“Sorry Mary...”

His Mom?! What about him! Dean was the one being betrayed here! It wasn't fair! Why! There was so many things he wanted to scream, to yell and demand but another hard hit from the demon and everything went black leaving Dean defenceless and to the whims of his Dad and the demon that started all of them in the life of Hunters.

Dean's last thoughts were a hurt and angry, _why was he so foolish?_


	4. Betrayal

By the time Dean woke up he found that they were in a cave, the entrance no doubt blocked off to keep other things out. Or to keep him in. Not that he could move, Dean found himself restrained on what could be either an alter of sorts or a table. It wasn't a rack, not one that Dean has ever saw. Which could be a good thing, but not good enough to calm his nerves. Light from a campfire was the only things that revealed things in the cave. Marking on the walls depicting ritualistic sacrifices or something like that. It was hard to tell because whoever carved it into the stone was a horrible artist.

But he could tell that he no doubt matched one of the images he see's. Spread out in a star formation. It left Dean bare and vulnerable. Not to mention cold despite the fire, where was his clothing? They were dirty and covered with mud and blood, but they were still his clothing.

“Dad?” Dean risked, though he wouldn't be asking for help this time. How can he when it was his own Father who put him here. Betrayed him. Dean had to fight hard to stop the shakes that went through his body. It was almost hard to tell why he was shaking, it could be from the cold or it could be the thought of him being bared open and the betrayal was making his emotions run wild. And sickly enough, this was the first time since he got here that he felt human. And Dean hated it with a stubbornness that was true to any Winchester.

“I'm here Dean.” John's voice came from above him and not too far off. A chuckle that he could tell was from Azazel was to his left. The demon no doubt found the situation both funny and maybe a bit ironic. The man who sold his soul for his son was now letting his son be strapped down and no doubt going to be killed. What a twist of priorities. Dean scowled.

“Why.” Dean asked, thankful that his voice came out steady and almost calm if not for the anger and hurt laced in that one word. He liked to think that his Dad flinched at the question, but he couldn't see to know for sure. But then again John Winchester wasn't someone who gave reactions like that freely, he didn't even give affections freely. Not to Dean anyways. Dean didn't think of it often, but his Dad never treated him like a son. Dean was more of a soldier to obey and a babysitter to look after Sam. But not a son. Never that.

Anger curled in Dean, one that he didn't feel since Bobby died. At least Bobby treated Dean like he was something and played the part of Father so Dean could at least have a small taste of what it was like. At least he had that.

“Do tell him John.” Azazel's arrogant voice cut through Dean's spiralling thoughts drawing Dean's attention enough to turn his gaze from the roof of the cave to the demon himself. And demons never could go for the beauty contest, but Dean had to say that Azazel would get the first prize for the most ugliest demon in existence.

It took about an hour for John to speak and when he did he moved to Dean's other side to look him in the eyes. Dean out of defiance he didn't know he had for his own Dad didn't break eye contact as the explanation was given to him. Dean felt like he was shattering inside and by some miracle he managed to keep a straight face.

It turns out his Dad was plucked by a rogue reaper and put here in Purgatory rather then in Heaven where his Dad should have at one time gone, not to mention it might be also because of the demon that his Dad mentioned when they spoke around the campfire and Dean foolishly revealed something he shouldn't. Now however Dean can only curse him to Hell for this. From what he learnt from the explanation was that it was rare but sometimes witches came here as well, if they were too powerful now to be deemed as humans. And that was how Azazel and John found a way out of Purgatory.

It was scratched right onto the walls of this cave.

A ritual that required the blood and bone of a living Righteous man to open a permanent gate between Earth and Purgatory like there is between Hell and Earth. Dean yelled at his Dad for that. Told him that he didn't know what kind of trouble he could let loose on Earth again, Dean knows because he fought it and he landed here for it.

The ritual made sense though, technically it should be impossible because this wasn't a place where a Righteous Man would fall into. But because things were so messed up and not going by the book since the Apocalypse. Here Dean was and he shouldn't have said a word. Not one!

 _Sam! Sam, Dad's betraying me._ Dean's mind offered, a silent prayer a plea and an update that Sam will never get.

 _Cas! Help... Stop them..._ Dean found himself screaming in his mind as he glared at both of them and a mutated looking woman approach with a large object that could be Purgatories equivalent of a bowl and tubes. They were going to bleed him!

Dean tried to fight them off, yelled at them and cursed his Dad who didn't show any emotion. What happened to him that he could or would allow this to happen. Dean winced at the cuts made so that they could put the makeshift tubes into his arms. It was a shocker that the witch managed to get the tubes so small. But then she probably been planning this a long time so she had time to get things just right.

Dean didn't know how long it was but they had a quarter of a bowl. It wasn't large but that wasn't the point, he was starting to feel lightheaded as it was. And worse he was starting to feel tired. He knows that these were two of the signs of blood loss. Eventually he'll go into shock if he wasn't already threatening that already. And in Purgatory you don't heal, or at least Dean hasn't. So he had to get out of this before they really kill him and then take his bones with the blood.

The three of them were off to the other side discussing the next steps in the ritual. Dean wasn't listening to that part, instead he put his energy into getting out of the binds holding him down. From his earlier struggling while the initial cut was made, he might have loosened it. He used that as a starting point.

It took longer then Dean wanted it to but he was free and he made sure to spill the blood as he got off the table. They made a move to grab him but Dean took off, not caring about his state of nakedness. He can steal clothing. He had to get away first though! Someone was in pursuit and Dean took one quick glance to see that it was his own Dad.

His Dad was chasing him down to put him back into that situation for his own desires. Logically he knows that something must have broke his Dad or corrupted him because John Winchester wouldn't have done this, but logic wasn't Dean's strongest skill at the moment and he felt extremely betrayed.

Dean collapsed a few times as he ran away. Being lightheaded and feeling tired wasn't helping his co-ordination either as he stumbled over things he normally would be able to jump over and keep himself in a run easily enough. His heart was beating faster then it should, couple that with his injuries and the stolen blood it wasn't doing Dean any favours in the long run.

In the end it didn't because Dean found himself tripping and rolling down a hill bruising and cutting his own flesh along the way. Dean gasped in pain as he tried to bring himself to his knees, everything hurt and Dean couldn't tell which was worse. Something tore, possibly his sorry excuse for stitches from strong belonging to his underwear. He had to make due with what he has, and he did in every way he can.

But now he has nothing and was betrayed and pushed to the edge of something he doesn't fully understand. Not yet anyway.

A hard grip to his hair and Dean was pulled to his feet roughly, Dean couldn't stop the pained sound it caused. From the corner of his eye he knows who has him. His Dad. Dean was caught, again.

“Don't do this...” Dean tries, even going so far as saying that they'll find another way out. But his attempt went unheard and ignored as Dean was pulled in the direction of the hill. There was a few vampires on top of the hill, but something scared them enough that they didn't venture farther then that.

Who can scare monsters here that much? Drive them to a point that they won't dare push their luck.

It could very well be Dick Roman, he was the head Leviathan so it would make sense that he would scare the inhabitants here. Dean cursed his luck and had to go along with his Dad as he tried to spot another way around the vampires even going so far as to wonder where Azazel was. Dean sneered and spat at his Dad for that, going so far as questioning whether or not they were 'fuck buddies' or something like that.

There wasn't any denial. Dean felt sick but who was he to judge when both Sam and himself has gotten down and dirty.

A familiar chuckle came from behind them. His Dad tenses and Dean just stands in shock. He knows that sound, knows who it belongs to.

“Isn't this a pleasant surprise.” A purr came from behind them, Dean always did wonder how he always seemed to impersonate some dude from Godfather, Dean didn't remember the name. Didn't care to, his attention went to who was behind them. It was the smart place to put your attention. Dean knows this.

Softer then Dean means to he could only say one name and one name only.

“Alastair...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally managed to get Alastair into the story. Sorry it took so long. Let me know what you think so far.


	5. Twisted Saviour

Dean felt his heart beat wildly in his chest in a way it hasn't in a long time, or what can pass as a long time here. Fear mixed exhilaration. Usually it was an unwanted exhilaration and rage or in some cases joy. He didn't admit to any of that, didn't say it out loud because that would make it real and Dean was good at denial as it was. So he said nothing.

But that didn't stop him from knowing what he felt and knowing how his body responded to everything. His heart won't stop beating hard. And it was all because of five little words carrying the weight of forty years.

Dean was only able to turn around because his Dad did while letting go of his hair at the same time. Dean put some space between himself and his Dad. Instincts screaming at him to help his Dad, to back him up against someone who's far above his pay grade. Yet the betrayals kept him rooted in his spot as he watched everything. The vampires where antsy on top of the hill. Wanting and lusting after the opportunity at the bottom of this hill despite the demon standing there arrogantly and relaxed. His Dad was stiff, ready for a fight if the machete was any indication, Dean recognized that weapon as his. He was the one who made it, used it and killed with it. It was his.

It had a name, he used it a lot so for some reason he called it mac. Short form for machete. It was his.

Dean's eyes travelled between Alastair and his Dad while keeping an eye on the vampires. Something he was glad that he did, they finally grew spines and lunged at both Dean and his Dad. Taking on the weaker ones which would be himself and his Dad. Dean had no choice but to defend himself with his bare hands, his Dad had Mac and used her well.

Dean did the best that he could, but without a weapon he had to use his bare hands. Unfortunately there was only so much he could do against something stronger then himself and his own injuries made everything all that much harder. In fact Dean swore he was getting worse and worse at defending himself. At this rate he's going to be killed.

In fact he soon found himself on his back with a heavy weight of a vampire on top of him trying to gnaw at his throat. Dean was doing what he could to keep it from connecting it's bite. But again, there was only so much he could do with his injuries. He was after all only human. Dean had to wiggle a few times when the bite came too close for comfort. Dean hissed angrily as he struggled with fading strength.

This was it, he was going to die here!

But he had to get back to Sam! Sam needed him, Sam was probably looking for him. Dean held onto that with everything he had. It's what was keeping him human here, or as human as he can when he defended himself in a world where everything is to be hunted and killed and the same for yourself.

He needed help! He didn't want to die, not when he had to get out.

His vision started to blur dangerously, going black at the edges. Dean found the weight suffocating and the blood loss made his head swim dangerously.

_Sorry Sam, I tried..._

Everything started to black even as the weight disappeared and a scream chased him into unconsciousness.

_Dean sat on the hood of the Impala with Sam. They were kids, their Dad was speaking with another hunter. But that was okay, Dean didn't care too much as he and Sam looked up into the stars spelling their names, finding constellations that Sam learnt about in a book Dean managed to get for him._

_They even made up constellations that had them both cracking up in giggles, that earned smiles from the hunter their Dad was talking to and a happy look from their Dad. Good times. Innocent times._

_Dean found himself getting tired and he didn't know when the tree's took on an ominous look to them or when there was tree's in the first place. They were parked in a the parking lot of a bar in a city. Which brought up another inconsistency. Why did he see stars?!_

_“Dad? Where are we?” Dean asked as he sat up and stared at his Dad holding a machete that looked like it came from a caveman's era. Sam was talking about the stars still, oblivious to what's going on. Dean felt a sudden fierce need to get Sam away from their Dad and the hunter he didn't recognize but looked awfully familiar with._

_His mind supplied the name 'Azazel' but Dean had no idea who that was._

_“Dad? Who's that?” Dean asked as he stood up and walked half way. Sam kept talking and Dean looked back and saw himself laying beside Sam laughing and smiling._

_Dean felt fear grip him as the city they were in turned to ashes and crumbled around him._

_“Dad!” Dean yelled, he wanted to ask what was happening. What was wrong! Who was that and why Dean was standing here and still on the hood of the Impala. There was so many questions he wanted to demand as buildings faded and crumbled around him._

_“Dad!” Dean tried, but his Dad and the hunter faded as Dean approached them. So he tried another approach as he turned around to see if he could get reactions out of himself and Sam on the car only to see them gone as well._

_“Sam!” Dean yelled._

_Why..._

Dean instantly found himself sitting up in a hurry, pain coursed through his body as he told himself it was just a dream. Only a dream, it didn't stop the longing that pulsed through him. He would give so much to be able to go back to that dream where it was just him and Sam staring at stars on a cooling car.

Dean looked around and found himself in another cave, he groaned because he was seriously starting to hate caves. He wasn't restrained and from what it looks like he was on the closes thing he could have as a bed here. Which was odd in itself. Not to mention he was wearing clothing again.

“Good morning Dean.”

Dean felt himself holding his breath the second he heard His voice. That explained where he was then, Alastair's cave. Why would the demon bring him here. The demon was still talking, more like correcting himself because like the demon said. Purgatory really didn't have a set time. It faded from dark to light in seconds at times. Everything was designed to keep you on your feet and that meant that Dean couldn't really function normally here.

Dean tried to get himself to his feet but literally fell to his hands and knee's. A chuckle, Alastair no doubt was enjoying what he was seeing. Dean on the other hand hated it.

“You shouldn't try to get up so fast, lost a lot of blood.” Alastair offered, not that he had to. Dean already knows this, what the demon was doing was pretty much mocking him and reminding Dean of his weakness. Not that he had to do that either, Dean knows better then anyone else how weak he was. Stubbornness pushed him forward as Dean made his way to his feet, wobbly at best. Yesterday or some time ago he must have been running on adrenaline and the sheer need to get away, he didn't remember being this unsteady.

Dean moved so that he was sitting across from Alastair but at a fair distance away, not that it would help because Dean knows what the demon was capable of. The horrors he could do. Alastair didn't have to touch you to hurt you or worse. Dean looked around and noticed that they didn't move from the area where everything went down. The body of the two vampires were strung up on tree's bled out and cut open to show off their insides to everything passing by. A message and a warning but also an invitation to pain. The more pain the better for Alastair, Dean knows this better then some if not most. But that might be Dean overestimating himself regarding Alastair. But then sweet fooling words have already done their damage a long time ago.

“Where is he?” Dean asked, he wanted to know where his Dad was and he knows that Alastair would understand what he was asking. With the crocked grin that formed in twisted and smooth flesh. The last form Dean remembers him as, Alastair changed his faces and shape so many times in Hell. Sometimes even appearing as Dean's mother while singing him a lullaby all the while cutting Dean's chest cavity wide open.

Dean didn't get a verbal answer, instead he looked in the direction Alastair looked. Deeper in the cave and Dean feared what was there. But like a lamb to the slaughter, he forced his way up and moved into that direction aware that Alastair was following him with no doubt sadistic glee painted across his disfigured face.

Dean had to use the cave walls to support himself when his own legs grew too tired from the new found weakness in his body thanks to his Dad and Azazel. Dean would have been fine if it wasn't for them. Behind him Alastair lit up a torch and did something that left a trail of fire leading to the end of the cave, the demon was busy carving out a little piece of Hell for himself.

The fire created the light source with even lines on the ground near the walls. All of it leading to a makeshift rack. Old fashion, the kind you'd see in a museum or photo's. Simple in it's make but very efficient. Something that was very Alastair. The demon wasn't always one for flashy things like other demons have been known to be. So long as it worked and did the maximum of what it's supposed to then Alastair was happy.

Alastair was old school in every way.

His Dad was strung up on the rack and appeared to be in excruciating pain. Dean didn't move an inch even as Alastair stood right behind him. Dean could almost feel Alastair standing there while the smell of rot reached him, Alastair's breath never smelt all that good. No demons did. They all reeked of rot and sulphur.

Sickly enough though, Dean learnt to be used to that and he was so numb to that it didn't bother him still.

“Still living, his fate is with you my boy.” Alastair purred into Dean's ear. Light touches to his shoulders were the only warning before a harsh push had Dean on his knees again but this time between his Dad and his former Teacher. Dean had a decision to make. The last time he had a decision like this it was between Castiel and Alastair.

He picked Castiel then.

Now he didn't know what to do when it came to his betraying father and his tormentor who doubled as his teacher.


	6. A Choice Interrupted

Dean felt like he was going to hyperventilate with the emotions that he was practically drowning in and it was both his Dad and Alastair that held his head under. It was a question of who would let him up for air first. Dean ended up looking behind him at the demon who stood there with an arrogant smile playing on his scarred and smooth flesh. Not for the first time Dean noted to himself that in life Alastair must have been pretty good looking and the kind that had people panting after. 

Dean turned his attention back to his Dad who was slowly becoming coherent and aware of his surroundings if the weak struggling was any indication. The binds should be tighter, Alastair usually didn't allow any movement unless he wanted to make you think there was a slim to none chance that you can escape. Dean suffered through this many times and felt himself cave into tears of his failed near escape. 

All designed to break or to taunt you. It depended on who and when it was being done. Only during the mid twenties did this happen to Dean. It felt like it was ages ago. 

Dean looked to the side, there was Mac clean and ready to be used. Dean was thrilled and happy to see that his weapon was okay. That was Dean's, it was about all Dean had here. He even spoke to it at times, how insane was that? Dean managed to find his feet and got up. He took one step towards Mac, Alastair did nothing just smiled so Dean moved over cautiously and picked her up. Testing her weight and feel with experienced hands Dean kept his eyes on Alastair and his Dad. 

“Don't you do a fucking thing! I was desperate okay, I need out of this place. I'm sorry!” His Dad yelled, pain clearly heard. He was already put onto a breaking point where he no doubt can't keep his silence anymore. Dean wondered how many times did Alastair get his Dad to this point in Hell? Ten. Twenty. A thousand times? 

Dean turned Mac around in his hand once more. 

Strike Alastair or strike his Dad. Either way, he's damned or worse. In Purgatory there's always worse off things. It was like Hell that way. Dean would know, he was there. So was Sam but that was in a pocket in Hell with two Archangels running circles in fury and rage. Sam doesn't talk about Hell but neither does Dean. Would Sam talk if Dean did? Dean didn't know if he wanted to bring those sort of things up in his already fragile giant of a brother of his. 

“Dean!” 

Dean looked up, did he really zone out? That's not safe to do, that's down right dangerous. There are so many enemies in this unending forest that would love to tear into his flesh, living or not. And Dean was already injured as it was, weak and defenceless. He couldn't afford to lose track of everything. 

His Dad was glaring at him, pleading with him in the same breath. It was always like that. Dad telling him to look out for Sam, pleading for him to look after Sam. What about Dean? Shouldn't a father have told Dean to look after the two of them. Dean and Sam? Or more importantly a father shouldn't have left them and left Dean with the responsibility of raising his brother. There were times when his Dad told him good job and yet telling him he didn't do good enough in the same breath. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't. 

Why was it that he got more compliments and congratulations from a demon! It was twisted, wrong and it shouldn't have happened that way. A demon should have done the opposite. Dean knows this and he also knows that a demon would design themselves to function best to your flaws and strengths. It made Dean wonder if everything was a lie? 

Alastair said many times that he wouldn't lie to Dean. Dean believed him, but then how could he not. How could he not? Dean looked at Alastair for a moment, perhaps to seek something that told him this wasn't a lie or that it was a lie. Tell him what actions Dean should figure are best from here on out. 

Alastair wasn't looking in his direction or at Dean's Dad. He was looking at the entrance and who was standing there with more arrogance then he should have. 

It was none other then Azazel. 

Dean didn't know if it was the fact that it was Azazel standing there or because the demon had the audacity to have that kind of arrogance in a place Alastair so clearly claimed as his own. There was signs everywhere that the demon tortured creatures in this cave. The smell of stale blood and death, fear and urine. Familiar scents when you're around Alastair. 

Not that it mattered, he now knows why his Dad was calling his name. For help? Dean studied his Dad who was staring at Azazel long and hard, there was something there. A connection. Hatred? More then likely, this was the demon that killed Dean's Mom and ruined Sam. But was hatred really the only emotion there? 

There was a stand off between two powerful demons, they weren't push overs. Dean knows that these two demons were above most hunter's pay grade because both of them have to be killed with unconventional means. You can't exorcise them. You can't scare them off with holy oil and you can barely catch them in devil's traps because they know tricks on how to get out. More or less. So yes, they were above most Hunter's pay grade. 

Dean stared at Azazel who looked increasingly smug, Dean wanted to curse him out yet remained silent. He remembered that in Hell that when another demon who was powerful came around then Dean would have to stay silent unless Alastair wanted him to speak up. It was whatever Alastair wanted and Dean would obey and then hate himself for it. 

But close to the end, near the end of those ten years as a student and everything else he was. Dean didn't hate himself as much. Standing here now, he hated himself all that much more. How can he not. That was going against everything that he is and was and supposed to be. But then so is what's happening and happened with his Dad. 

His Dad was supposed to be safe, passed over. Not here in Purgatory allying himself with the demon he sought after for revenge for as long as Dean can remember. Not betraying a son he died for. It wasn't right, in fact it was against what should and shouldn't be. It wasn't fair, but then for a Winchester that was normal. 

“It has all come down to this, hasn't it old friend.” Azazel spoke, directed to Alastair but Dean knows it's meant for all of them. A choice has to be made for all of them. Dean may not be aware of what choice Alastair or his Dad had to make. But he knows the choice he was given by Alastair. 

Alastair or his Dad. 

There was Alastair who taught him the worst kind of things. Who taught him what cuts hurt the most, how to break someone with soft words and sharp tools. Who never left him for forty long years! Who told Dean how it was, when he was disappointed and when he wasn't disappointed but in fact proud. Dean knows that he shouldn't be happy about the fact that someone openly feels pride in him. Dean knows that there was others who felt pride in him, but right now his focus and his world was tide up in this cave blocked by an enemy. 

Then there was his Dad who taught him how to be a hunter. How to save lives. Taught him that looking after Sam was the most important thing he can do. And it is. Taught him the importance of family even though it wasn't much of one outside of Sam and himself, sometimes Bobby and sometimes their Dad. His Dad taught him how to shoot a gun, clean and put it together. But his Dad would always leave, tell him to look after Sam. It was always about Sam. Even Dean's existence is about Sam. Sam's not angry about that or upset, that's just how it is. 

After all Sam must be looking for him? Right? 

“So it has.” Alastair said, amusement heard in his voice. It was almost like he liked what he heard. Enjoyed it's implications. Dean looked between Alastair who was smiling cruelly at Azazel, for once Dean was glad he wasn't on the receiving end of that smile, and then there was his Dad who was glaring at all of them in defiance. 

He had to make a choice... 

Dean didn't want to though, but he knows in order to get out of this situation and get back to Sam who was looking for him. Like when Dean went to Hell. Sam looked for him, even if it was only for a couple of months he still looked. 

His Dad? 

Or Alastair? 

Azazel lunged. Dean had Mac up and noticed the glad look on his Dad's face. Was he and Azazel really in that sort of thing, hate sex or whatever? Dean felt betrayal squeeze his insides so tightly he felt like Alastair used one of his many devices on him again. Dean felt winded.


	7. A Choice Made

Somewhere in the chaos his Dad was released from the rack and it was Dean who had to face the consequences of that as they tumbled out of the cave with fists and swings from Mac. Dean went into the mindset he needed to survive so he can get back to Sammy. He defended himself as best that he can despite the weaknesses that plagued him as he winced and felt pain with every move and every hit. Dean let his own feelings of betrayal and the need to survive so that he could get back to his brother drive him forward. 

At one time managing to leave a slash across his Dad's chest. He wanted to say he was sorry, he didn't mean to do that. Even his Dad seemed to be shocked at the fact that Dean was fighting back for once. 

“Why are you fighting me Dad? There's other ways out! I can get you out. You don't need me dead in order to get out!” Dean forced out, hating the desperation and hurt in his own voice. It was weak, it wasn't him and it can get you killed here because if the monsters of Purgatory heard that they can use it against you with finely orchestrated sob stories. Benny was the only one who he came across that was genuine. 

“Please!” Dean forced out as he dodged another hit, his Dad armed himself with a branch thick enough to almost be a bat that you use in a baseball. Dean didn't want to hurt his own Dad even now after he has betrayed him. Dean was raised and practically programmed to obey the man. To listen to his orders. 

Yet he now has to go against everything he was raised to be and everything he lived up to be. 

A hard hit to his side knocked the wind out of him and no matter how much he wanted to stay upright he ended up hitting the ground hard, the pain stopped him from moving from the spot he laid. Only when the bat came down at him did he force his body to roll away even against it's protests. All the while he kept getting out of the way of the thick branch, but he has yet to really stand on his own feet because his Dad wasn't giving him the chance to get up until he said what he did.

“What would Sam say about this! Or Mom!” Dean yelled angrily causing his Dad to pause in shock and Dean prayed that he saw horror and guild correctly and that it wasn't in his own mind. His own projections of what he so desperately want to see on his Dad's face so he can forgive him here and now. 

“Sam... Sammy. It's too late now, I'll... I'll make it up to them. I... I came too far to back out now.”

Dean's heart sunk. Perhaps his Dad was here too far, perhaps Azazel twisted his mind too much and it was too late. There were so many what if's and possibilities that Dean's mind spun with the possibilities. It allowed another blow to connect and Dean to hit the ground. Three more blows to his back reigned down onto him. Dean pleaded with his Dad to stop, to think and realize what he's doing and what he said. 

The pain his body and mind was in only seemed to circle around and feed into his anger. He was so unbelievably angry at the moment. Angry at the situation he was in. Angry at the betrayals from his Dad after everything Dean has done since he was four and a half to now, all of it for his family. For Sam. For Dad. All of it for nothing! Angry at the fact that the one person- or thing that stuck it's neck out was the demon who shattered Dean once before. Shattered and rebuilt into something worse. 

“Why...” Dean whispered out, it wasn't fair. Didn't he suffer enough already? The betrayals from his brother. From Castiel, Sam. Everyone. Everyone seemed to have or currently are betraying him. Taking and taking from him until he has nothing left to give and then what would they take then? Possibly even more. 

His mind just kept asking 'why' over and over again. All the while he felt like he was suffocating which made defending himself harder and sloppy. Mac was loosely held in his hands until he just couldn't take more. 

“Why! You son of a bitch! Why?!” Dean snarled anger dripping from his words like poison as he managed to catch his Dad's wrist while Mac was swung at his Dad's leg catching it just above the knee nearly cutting to the bone. His Dad let out a sound of pain and stumbled back. Mac still stuck in his leg. 

“I gave everything! I followed all of your orders. I gave up everything to be what you wanted me to be. To look after Sammy!” Dean yelled angrily, no longer caring if others heard what he was saying . Why should he? Shouldn't others now know of his pain? Know what Dean Winchester has went through for the man crumbled on the cold ground of Purgatory. Dean picked up the branch that his Dad dropped and swung it as hard as he can. Not caring if it was blocked or not. He just kept swinging and hitting. 

“I died! I was damned! I was used and beaten and betrayed and tortured all because of the life you set me in!” Dean snarled out angrily as he discarded the branch and tore Mac from his Dad's leg. Dirt was thrown into Dean's eyes blinding him. Dean hissed out angrily and gave a yelp of surprise when a hard hit to his legs knocked him back enough that he collapsed onto his back. 

His Dad bleeding and crippled managed to put his hands on Dean's neck. Choking him. Dean stole this moment, this time to look into his Dad's eyes. There were so many emotions, so many things recognizable in those eyes. This truly was his Dad, this was no trick or lie. This was reality and he always did know that reality was worse then any lie you can come up with. 

“Sorry Dean...” 

Dean didn't know if he heard those words right, the things his Dad has said. It didn't matter, Dean needed to survive and he needed to get out to get to Sammy who was probably worried about him. Looking for him. But right now what was driving Dean the most was anger. Anger and rage and the need to do something. 

It took moments to realize that there was a wet warmth spreading across his stomach and a shocked look on his Dad's face. With a hard shove Dean managed to escape his Dad's hold and found his hand had the familiar feel of wet heat that matched the cooling heat on his stomach. 

Blood. 

His Dad's blood. Horror stopped him from pushing forward and taking off. Instead he stood there staring at the cooling body of his Dad. It won't stay dead, nothing here really does until that creature is far too tired to carry on fighting and surviving. Dean wouldn't call it living because if an alive man can't heal or get hungry or really all that thirsty doesn't necessarily mean things are normal here. 

“D-Dad.” Dean managed to make out. He stood there watching as Purgatory seemed to eat at his rapidly decaying Dad. There would only be an outline of where his Dad died. Leaving Dean alone with the choice he made and the decision he now has to live with. Dean killed his own Dad! 

Dean didn't know when it started or for how long it happened. But Dean was screaming out his hurt and his rage and his betrayals to the sky while gripping Mac at his side still dripping with drying blood of his Dad. All the while his eyes never left the area his Dad died. All the while he let Purgatory itself know what Dean was going through loud and clear. 

His screams turned to sobs as Dean collapsed to the ground and hated his own weaknesses that flickered right next to the anger and betrayals he has to feel and deal with. Dean didn't care if there was things out there looking to kill him. His eyes were covered with his free hand as he sobbed freely. Mac was resting against the ground but still gripped in Dean's hand. 

Dean didn't care that it took hours for him to fall silent except for hiccups and shaky breaths in and out. His hair was gripped tightly in his own free hand as he rocked where he sat. His legs were tired from the position he was in but Dean was too tired and to hurt and angry to care. 

A firm grip to his shoulders and a twisted and mutated mouth next to his ear whispered out for devastating words. 

“I'm proud of you.” 

Dean really wished Alastair wasn't, Dean doesn't know if he could take it. But he didn't fight as he felt himself being pulled back and laid on the ground while looking straight up. Unresisting.


	8. Teaming Up to Get Out

He was still on the ground, the memory of what happened moments ago playing in his mind over and over again like a broken record. His cheeks were wet from tears and his voice hoarse from screams.  
 _  
Dean was on the ground weeping and pleading and moaning. He killed his Dad! He killed him! And Alastair, Alastair was proud of him. How was that a situation to be proud of? Dean couldn't and didn't want to understand._

_Instead he focused on what was happening to him now. If it wasn't one thing, it was another._

_Alastair in a form so familiar to him was hovering over him. Taking him, re-claiming him. Hurting and pleasing him. At first though, Dean was shocked too much to realize what was happening, after all he did the unthinkable. But soon enough the situation set in and Dean couldn't stop the tears._

_He couldn't stop the pleading either. Please stop! Please more! No's and yes's. Pushing at Alastair to make him stop and pulling him to keep the demon going on._

_It was a dizzying experience that left him panting on the ground with a familiar pain when he moved._

Dean shuddered at the memory. Or was it because of the assault on his bare skin by the cool air that always smell's stale with a hint of decay. Dean didn't even want to get onto the thought about whether or not it was out of disgust or pleasure. Dean shifted slightly and jumped when the pants he was wearing previously were tossed onto his belly. Taking them gingerly he sat up, wincing. His body hurt from all of his injuries and what has happened between him and Alastair.

Getting dressed was done more on autopilot then a real drive of his will.

Shame filled him and a sense of familiarity gripped his attention. In Hell this act has happened so many times it was normal. Though in Hell it was a full fledged rape until Dean came off the rack then it was something more. Something different. Dean enjoyed the pain, enjoyed being touched and being the centre of the demon's attention. Loved it even. If that was even possible.

Dean was screwed up, he knew that. But what did you expect?

“You have a choice my boy. I know a way out, I know you want to get out to be with your brother. I want out as well, I know a way that doesn't require you to bleed yourself dry despite how alluring that notion is to me. I help you escape, you take me with you.” Alastair's voice cut through the numbness his mind has fallen into. Dean didn't respond and winced when a disappointed sigh came from the demon who sat near a fire completely nude. Alastair wasn't one to care about small things like that.

Never was and at one point neither was Dean. The clothing felt heavy.

He disappointed Alastair, again. Dean felt almost ashamed of himself before shaking that notion away and standing up straight regarding the demon who now wore a crooked and twisted smile. The bastard knows what he's doing! He wanted to yell and get angry and turn him down on his twisted let's team up offer.

The last time he teamed up with someone they died. The last time he worked with Alastair it wasn't fully his will. He was broken and shattered and twisted in ways he shouldn't have been. This time if he did work with Alastair it would be by his will alone and that would mean something completely different and completely wrong.

But Sam.

Sam who was probably worried about him. Sam who was probably looking or at least looked for him. Sam his little brother.

“If I get you out then you better never touch Sam. Not indirectly or directly.” Dean snarled and the smile grew larger on Alastair's face and strained the flesh that was seen there. Dean didn't respond to the smile, didn't acknowledge it as he kept eye contact between his green eyes and the white glass looking eyes of Alastair.

“Very well, I will leave your brother alone completely. He's not very interesting anyway, never understood the relevance in someone who was just meant to be worn as a glove to lead an army.” Alastair calmly stated, Dean knows that it was said to piss him off. And it would work every time, just like now as rage shifted in Dean making him feel uncomfortable and trapped at the same time.

“Don't you dare even talk about him! You don't have any right. And for your information, I was raised only because my body was required as well by...” Dean snaps angrily, he lost this round and he knows it. Because Alastair would push and push and poke and prob at everything both physically and verbally. Dean would snap and reveal more and more. Sometimes near the end he did so willingly and even in the beginning he would relent and say whatever Alastair would want to know.

And the worst thing was about it was that Alastair always seemed interested in what he was saying, even asking questions like what kind of gas would work better for the Impala or what was better ketchup or mustard on the greasy burgers Dean likes.

“Michael I am aware of that. Demons talk when they get here. Turns out there is a regime change as well. Care to tell?” Alastair said, knowing full well that he got what he has wanted and switched the subject before Dean could even try to get a grip on the situation. Dean wanted to yell at him and hit and cut and demand that Alastair shouldn't have changed the subject.

“The demon that helped us stop the Apocalypse. Crowley.” Dean answered, after his flare of anger he was now curious on how Alastair would respond to such a fact. Would he be amused, glad or angry? Alastair was old school and followed and died for an old regime that seemed to have went to the wayside with Lucifer's lock up.

Dean waited almost anxiously. Dean wanted to hate how much he was waiting on Alastair.

“Is he.” Alastair's voice stated, no emotion. There was an unspoken 'interesting' that Dean picked up. He was almost ready to demand a reaction outside of two words from Alastair on the matter. Surely Alastair wouldn't like that fact? Surely he would have something more to say on the matter outside of two stupid words.

“Well?” Dean pushed, wanting more then two words. He deserved more words then two!

“What else am I supposed to say hm? My boy, surely you would have learnt to have some patience since I was away. Why react to it now, he's out there and we're in here. I'll deal with the situation come the day we are standing on Earth.” Alastair calmly stated as he stood up and Dean found himself feeling cheated and ended up glaring at Alastair. How easy was it to fall into whatever this was with Alastair. But forty years was something even Dean couldn't deny.

He wondered if Sam would be the same way with Lucifer?

Dean closed his eyes, he shouldn't have let a thought like that enter his mind. His name was called, Alastair's voice. Snapping out of the moment he nearly entered Dean noted that Alastair was already moving off. Picking up Mac and followed.

He hoped Sam would forgive him for following after a demon Sam killed and a demon who tortured Dean for thirty years and then twisted him into something worse in ten. And then he wondered what Castiel would think, if he was by chance no longer insane like he was when Dean last saw him.

Dean knows that his time with Alastair will leave scars and trauma's.

But getting out and back to Sam was worth it.

Wasn't it?


	9. Back on Earth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's a bit of a jump, there's a reason for that. I needed Dean out of Purgatory before I could really start exploring what his mindset was and is from that place. Not to mention I could now reflect the differences in some things through real time and flash backs where they're needed.

If Dean could compare the two times he arrived back on Earth after a visit from another place, it would be Hell and Purgatory. Heaven was just a time that he woke up from being dead. It was already getting old by then. At least he could say that Sam was alive, at least he had that. 

But when he first woke up in a pine box, Dean was suffocated by limited if any air at all and the memories of suffocating heat and pain. Dean had to dig himself out of the pine box because Castiel didn't think that far beyond rebuilding his body and putting his soul back. Not that Dean wasn't grateful, he was. Eternally grateful and there was no words that could every say how thankful he was despite the circumstances that followed. Dean remembered the shock and awe that ate at him as he stood there taking in fresh air while staring at trees that were knocked down like something big flattened them. Of course that something was angels. 

It was like waking up from a bad dream to a horrible reality. But Dean was alive and his body was whole. Everything was bright with life and Dean was disoriented by all of it. Of course he eventually found his way to Bobby and things went off from there. 

But it wasn't like clawing your way out of Purgatory. 

In Purgatory he was still living. Purgatory was dull and with everything was trying to kill him and destroy him or eat him and then kill him. Either way, his life was always on the line and that was where he was met with a final betrayal that had him deciding that he didn't want to be betrayed anymore. That he would kill and fight before that happens. Dean clawed his way out of Purgatory and he came back missing things about himself that he couldn't recognize and was scared to even try. 

So when he opened his eyes and tasted fresh air for the first time in a long time he felt like choking on it. He got used to the scent of death among other things. The light breeze that there was made Dean jump at first until he saw the stars and a road. He calmed down after that, for the most part. His mind was still alert to his surroundings and as much as he hated to he knew he would have to get ride of Mac who came with him. 

And for a second he was prepared to just toss her, but at the last second he didn't let go. So he tucked her in his jacket and made sure she wouldn't be seen as Dean took his first step on the solid ground on Earth. There were no snarls or threats floating in the air. Just the sound of insects and the occasional nocturnal bird. 

A mile later Dean realized he was incredibly tired, hungry and thirsty. His body practically throbbed in pain for it. Dean found himself sliding down to the ground as a response. He had no phone and no way of contacting anyone for help. Dean heard the sound of a car and cringed at how loud it was for a moment before a longing dug at him. He wanted the Impala! 

This was the time he had to make the choice of keep Mac or throw her away. 

Dean took her out of his jacket and ran his hand over the sharpened rock that formed the blade in a very loving manner. She saved his neck so many times. Dean fixed her up just as many, but people wouldn't understand her. She didn't really belong topside with him, Dean didn't know why he subjected her to this place where she won't be used regularly and she won't be kept up because Dean would no doubt go back to using a gun and his normal weapons of choice. 

As pathetic as it was, Dean rested his forehead against the flat part of her blade and said his good byes before standing up and tossing her as far as she could go before staggering up to the road and made sure to stand in the way so the car had no choice but to stop. Dean congratulated himself for not flinching or closing his eyes at how bright those headlights were. 

The screech of the car on the other hand made Dean flinch back. The car door opened and Dean wondered if this was a good idea. 

“Are you insane!” Angry words, male and that was as far as Dean could see past the lights. 

Bad idea, but he needed to get somewhere that wasn't filled with tree's. 

“Hey! You okay?” Footsteps, the man was coming closer. 

The person no doubt started to see Dean's physical appearance. Dean opened his mouth and closed it, talking a person. A human was harder then he remembered. Dean found that pathetic but then again Purgatory wasn't the place to practice your people skills and Dean didn't have time to talk until Benny but that didn't last long unfortunately. The vampire was a good friend. 

Then there was Alastair. 

Talking to the demon was always easy though. Dean had practice of speaking to him for forty years, when he had a jaw or throat or a tongue for that matter. 

“Buddy?” Concern. A gentle but firm hand on his arm and Dean flinched and hated himself for it. 

“I think I need a hospital.” Dean finally said, hospitals were not the place to go but he needed to be checked out to see if his injuries followed him out like Mac did. Or did they abandon him like he abandoned Mac? 

“Ya, ya okay. Come on.” The man gently led him to the passenger side and helped him get in. The man got in on the other side. Dean curled up after putting on the seat belt and wincing as he did. Phantom pains or the real thing. His stomach growled. The man was talking again, trying to figure out what happened but Dean just closed him out as best that he could and focused on the tree's that passed. A hotel. Buildings as they entered a town. Dean didn't know he was this close but he doubted that he could have made it. 

Eventually the made it to the hospital. Small town hospital. It was better then a big city one because Dean could go unnoticed here despite the limited patients here. 

“What's your name?” 

It took him a good few minutes to register that his name was asked all the while he was being helped into the small town hospital, the nurse was already calling the doctor at his home no doubt. Dean was placed into a wheel chair. 

“Benny. Names Benny.” Dean managed to force out as he was rolled into a hospital room and helped up and onto the bed. The nurse was instructed to help him get undressed and into a hospital gown. The cops were called as well and Dean winced at that, this was a stupid idea. 

Everything from there was a blur, Dean answered the questions as best that he could but played the part of not remembering anything more then his name was Benny and that he just got out of whatever situation he was in. Dean didn't feel bad for lying to them. He felt more tired then anything. 

They were shocked at his physical appearance though. As he was laying back, bandaged and clean he could hear them talking. The word torture came up more then once and Dean laughed to himself. Torture, they had no idea what that was. They were also confused with the black mark in his right arm. They noted that the hand print on his left shoulder. Figured that was a tattoo though so they didn't dwell on it. Though the black mark in his right arm did get a lot of attention. 

Dean held up his right arm and looked at it, from the elbow down to his wrist there was a curling black mark that shifted every now and again reminding him of who he worked with for over half the time in Purgatory since the betrayal. Dean covered it back up when the nurse came in with food, nothing to solid though. She explained to him that he had to take it slow. 

Which sucked because Dean would kill for a pie right about now.


	10. Dean's First Glimpse of Reality

Dean didn't know when but he ended up falling asleep. What woke him up was a sharp cutting pain in his arm. Alastair. Who else could it be? No one else would purposely wake him up with something that would hurt. Dean had to stop himself from jerking in bed too much, instinct keyed in to make sure he didn't alarm possible threats, even though he's not in Purgatory there was things he still had to avoid.

The two obvious detectives were waiting for him to wake up no doubt.

“I know, I know already.” Dean mumbled to himself as he gripped his arm slightly which only prompted a sharper throbbing. Someone was obviously grouchy. Not that Dean could blame him, he would be too if he was stuck in someone's arm with nothing more to do then sit there and poke at the soul attached to the flesh as best that he could. And even that gets boring after a bit.

As quietly as he could he managed to get past them with a second to spare. He had to steal clothing because his was ruined and crusted with mud and blood among other things. Let the detectives puzzle over that, the only human blood on there was his own. His body was in pain, his mind numb and all he wanted to do was get to Sam. Alastair wanted a body, but Dean was desperate and practically pleading with the demon to let him go to Sam first.

**_'Very well... Let's go see Sammy.'_ **

“Don't call him Sammy.” Dean snapped uncaring what a young couple would think of him speaking to no one they could see. Even Dean knows it's insane, but what can you do when you have a moody and at times chatty demon in your arm? He wanted to show Alastair the movie The Godfather because he really did have the same speaking way of that guy, Vito Cor something. Dean only knows this because he got bored one night when he couldn't sleep sometime after he was saved from Perdition by Castiel

He wondered how Castiel was doing. If he was searching too? If anyone missed him while he was gone. Alastair of course didn't like him mentioning Castiel, so Dean mentioned him again a few times just to annoy the demon which prompted him collapsing because his arm was in agony to a point he swore the flesh was burning right off of his bones.

It only relented when he agreed not to speak of the angel while Alastair was sharing Dean's body. So Dean kept himself from thinking a single thought as he got up aware of how pale he was and headed to a McDonald's where he could by a quick burger with the money he managed to come into possession of.

**_'Do you really believe that he's waiting? That any of them are waiting for you?'_ **

“Told you, Sam tried when I was torn apart in front of him back when I was dragged to Hell so then why wouldn't he even without a body?” Dean stated firmly, he will believe this until he has absolute and convincing proof that it was the opposite and he hoped that it wasn't because it would give Alastair too much satisfaction if the old demon was right. Not to mention it would give him some perverse pleasure in literally telling the demon 'I told you so'.

**_'You didn't answer my second question.'_ **

“Yes.” Dean answered, he hated some of Alastair's tones. Sometimes Alastair managed to make Dean feel so small and others like a child again. Sometimes though Dean is made to feel absolutely giddy with excitement in the prospect that he made the demon happy and those were the times Dean hates the most because of what was done to make the demon proud.

**_'Okay, then let's go have your reunion so I can get a vessel again.'_ **

“Okay.” Dean didn't want to admit that he was almost excited to see his brother again. It would be a relief to see someone he's related to that isn't trying to betray him to a demon. Sure Sam did the whole thing with Ruby, but he learnt from that and Sammy wouldn't do that to him twice.

Dean didn't know where to start looking though. So Dean started to phone his own phone number and then Sam's. When that didn't work he used a library computer to track down the phones. It was a couple of states over. Dean was happy to see that, at least now he had a destination to go. The only bad thing was that he had company for a while longer.

Dean bought a one way bus ticket and sat in the back. Alastair obviously hated bus rides because the entire way there he was nit picking at Dean or forcing Dean to mentally go over two hundred different ways of killing someone. Dean knows there's more ways then that, but that was the number Alastair has chosen for the moment and Dean wasn't about to go against him when it wasn't really causing that much harm. It wasn't like Dean was going to use any of those methods to kill anyone today. Or hopefully ever.

He did creep people out though when he answered Alastair out loud. Much to the demons amusement. Dean on the other hand wasn't so amused, in fact it made him feel judged and isolated. It wasn't a good feeling. Perhaps that was the point. Alastair does have a habit of creating situations Dean has to deal with, make or break moments you can say.

Sometimes those make or break moments turn out to be something almost like flirting or courting each other because it always ends with anger and pain and sometimes with lust and blood. Sometimes his, sometimes Alastair's or the sorry soul that was on their rack. Either way it was a twisted thing but it was something that went on in Purgatory and for ten years in Hell.

By the time they got to their destination Dean was angry and Alastair was frustrated as he swirled and poked carelessly at his soul and mind. People avoided Dean like the plague at that point. Perhaps it was Dean talking out loud or something with how his anger showed that made them part before him or avoid him. Again it made him feel isolated and judged.

Alastair went silent from that point on though, which might have been the most concerning thing if not for the fact that Dean's anger melted away in the promise of seeing Sam again. It would be a proper breath of fresh air for Dean. Then perhaps pie finally. Pie, beer and a burger along with seeing his brother again. A perfect day. Not to mention the Impala.

Dean hitch hiked into the area where Sam was located. A possible case no doubt, why would Sam live in an apartment building if it wasn't to put up a cover. Dean couldn't locate Sam so he researched the area to see what his brother might be hunting without coming up with anything. Even Alastair pointed out suggestions of what might be here that needed to be hunting.

Helpful demons are very concerning and Dean found himself becoming very cautious borderline paranoid.

Finally he found Sam and stopped cold when he saw her walking with some woman in a flowery dress and a dog. His first thought was that the dog better not have been inside his car. The second was who was the woman attached to Sam's side? Dean felt a flare of anger and perhaps jealousy at the fact that someone else was there with his brother.

**_'And that Dean is where those readers get such odd pairings you told me about.'_ **

“Shut up.” Dean growled not caring really if he made a mistake at ordering Alastair around or speaking out loud. He just didn't want to deal with Alastair's words at the moment. Not for the first time he cursed all of the conversations he had with Alastair from the time they met to now. Hell and Purgatory included.

Fear started to trickle in. If his brother is here and in an apartment then that meant one thing.

**_'Your brother didn't look for you after all.'_ **

Alastair sounded to amused and smug for Dean's liking. It caused him to press down on his arm trying to hurt the demon back. Laughter simply ran through his mind as Dean slipped to the ground behind a garbage dumpster and out of sight of Sam and the girl. He heard them talking and a sad kind of happiness in Sam's voice. And for the first time he didn't single out the sadness like normal. He singled out the happiness and it made a wreck of him.

He wanted to go out there and demand answers from Sam! He wanted, he wanted to ask him if Sam even looked for him?

In the end Dean didn't move and Alastair kept laughing.


	11. Discovered Truth's

By the time he moved Alastair was silent and Dean was too numb to care. Sam was happy. Sam was with a girl and a dog and Dean was back and alone with a demon who knows him best. Dean had to figure out what he was going to do and what there was for him to do. Besides getting Alastair his body back.

That should be top priority, to get ride of the demon.

But Dean found himself heading to the last remaining place he knows he could go. He needed somewhere to gather himself, figure things out. He had to find a place to collect himself before he begins the journey of giving Alastair his vessel and no doubt a stronger hold on the world. Could he live with that?

Could you?

He could almost imagine Alastair asking him that. Asking him whether or not he could sleep at night knowing that Alastair was free and topside and free to go to Hell and torture souls and people and destroying innocence in others? No, no Dean shouldn't be able to sleep knowing all of that.

But he was so tired. So injured and hurt and wondering the selfish question of:

Why me?

Dean stole a car to head out, he didn't want to take any more buses because people looked at him funny and no doubt thought of him as insane. It was too crowded and he felt too isolated in that crowd. None of them understood and could understand what Dean has gone through. How can they with their normal lives?

Alastair chatted away during the drive, Dean answered at times but mostly listened. Alastair sometimes told the best stories and not all of them revolved around torture. And Alastair listened to what Dean had to say no matter how insignificant it was. Dean found that he covered every conversation during the drive. The weather. Music. The impala. The best kind of pie and where to find the best kind of burger. Whatever Dean brought up Alastair listened and gave his own two cents about things, granted it wasn't always kind what Alastair had to say but at least he didn't mislead Dean.

By the time Rufus's cabin pulled into view Dean saw the Impala. His heart jumped in excitement at seeing that car, she was beautiful and a sight for sore eyes. But soon the happy emotion was swallowed up by uncertainty and caution. Sam was here.

Dean made his way up to the cabin front door and waited until Sam was starting to come out of it. Dean used the surprise he noticed on Sam's face to his advantage by bringing Sam down to the ground dousing him with holy water and then bleach.

“What the...?”

Was the only thing Sam could really say and Dean frowned, his brother became awfully sloppy and lax in his defences. Alastair made the comment of weak but Dean ignored that. Dean cut his brother's arm, making sure he wasn't a shifter as well. Sam of course insisted he was nothing Dean tested for.

And when Sam didn't test Dean back as he should have, Dean took over and did the tests on himself to show Sam that he was Dean and not something trying to trick Sam. Granted it hurt to do it because of who he had in his arm and he had to hide the signs where Dean was injured and tortured from Purgatory. Some of them still remained but they didn't look as nasty as they did in Purgatory. They'll heal up here and Alastair was speeding some of the injuries along for some reason Dean didn't want to acknowledge.

“Dude. You're... freakin' alive... I mean, what the hell happened?” Sam asked after he got back up and they passed over the typical Winchester reunion only this time there was something lacking and Dean thinks that something lacking was in Dean himself.

**_And here comes the truths._ **

Dean wanted to tell Alastair to shut up but that was a conversation he didn't want to have with Sam. Not now, not never if he could pull it off.

“Well, I guess standing too close to exploding Dick sends your ass straight to Purgatory.” Dean answered, saying nothing more then that because really what should he have to say about the matter. Sam was obviously surprised by that. What did he expect?! A surge of anger curled in Dean but beyond that Dean didn't react.

“You were in Purgatory? Alive? For the whole year?” Sam said, concern now clearly showing. Sam was always the girl between them. Dean would be saying that until his last breath. Though it seemed that the part Sam did seem most surprised about was the 'alive' part. Did that mean he knew where Dean was?!

“Yeah, time flies when you're running for your life. _And so much more_.” Dean said but he kept that last part hidden. No need to tell Sam about Dad or Azazel or even Alastair for that matter. Alastair seemed pleased and amused by the whole thing so far. Dean wasn't entirely fond of that, though there was an impatient edge to what the demon was feeling.

Of course after that comes the questions of how did he get out. How could he answer that? That Alastair helped him out? That he brought the demon back with him!

**_Tell him you tried to call him. Poke around. Make your brother admit out loud that he hasn't searched for you._ **

Dean didn't want to, but in the end he found himself doing just that. Hoping that he doesn't get caught in a lie, praying that he does though because then that means he could stick it to Alastair because that would mean Sam did look for him.

“Yeah, I-I-I didn't get your messages.” Sam admitted sheepishly, ashamed and Dean felt himself shatter. Alastair was thrumming with giddy joy and it was the demon's right to say 'I told you so' and Dean wished he was back in Purgatory with wishful thinking then the truth.

Dean of course pushed for information. Was fully prepared to bully it out of Sam if he had to but from there it was like the flood gates has opened and Dean was forced to learn that Sam quite hunting. That he didn't look for him. Dean wondered if Castiel searched at least. Praying that at least he did.

Not to mention the fact that Crowley had Kevin and Meg. Not that he cared for Meg, but Kevin on the other hand.

Truth hurts and Dean found himself having to leave the room. A quiet “welcome back” followed him and Dean felt a surge of anger curling in him. Alastair of course used the openings that Sam just made to comfort and poke at. At least someone was doing what Dean expected of them.

At least he had that.

It took two hours for Dean to calm down and reenter the same room as Sam who was now cooking something on the stove, offered Dean some but he passed of course. He wasn't hungry, not for food. He was too angry at the moment to trust himself to keep anything down. Dean searched the phones and the messages on them.

It only made him angrier.

Dean made a call to Castiel's phone, it was out of service.

So Dean prayed instead. Told Castiel that he best be getting his feathery ass here, forgetting about Alastair until pain coursed through his arm enough that it caused him to collapse.

“Are you alright?!” Sam's voice cut through. Worried and concern, guilt as well but that took a back seat to the worry. Dean pushed Sam away insisting that he was okay. Which he wasn't. He won't ever be again.

“You hear from Cas?” Dean asked, diverting the attention from him as best that he can. He shouldn't have come here. But then he didn't actually expect Sam to be here too. Why was he here if he had a girl waiting for him?

“No, not since you disappeared... Cas left to Heaven to clean it up I think.” Sam answered as he sat down beside Dean, Dean was aware of what he looked like as he soothed his arm and staring out the window at nothing. But he didn't care. Not right now.

Now not only did Dean have to get Alastair his vessel again but he had to go find Kevin who sent messages to Sam and didn't get help when he needed it. Kevin was their responsibility, Sam's when Dean was trapped in Purgatory. And now the kid was out there in the world with enemies searching for him on all sides.

He told Sam this, didn't let him get a choice in the matter. His girl could wait, a kid needed their help and Dean needed to get closer to the location of the vessel if it was still there at all.

Sam didn't argue with him.


End file.
